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They think “Hmmm…well at least I know that if things don’t work out, I’ve got X to fall back on”.They show or tell you that they’re not over their ex or ready for a relationship and you keep pumping up your emotional airbag and buffering them.In business, options exist to provide the right to buy or sell something within a specified timeframe at a set price.In relationships where people make ‘deals’ but often don’t have deal breakers , if you’re allowing yourself to be an ‘option’, it’s like putting a deal on the table even though the person has backed out, isn’t interested, or is not an appropriate relationship partner to make a mutually fulfilling relationship deal with.You’re giving them the choice of keeping you in their back pocket for a rainy day emotional airbag to fallback on for an ego stroke, shag or a shoulder to lean on.You’re also communicating that you’re OK with being a choice – there are other options – which allows them to keep their options open.They’re either in, or they’re out – don’t give them the option to flit between or dip their pinky toe in.Never allow someone to reject you (directly or indirectly) more than twice.
But three times and beyond – it’s time to get off the relationship crack. Whether it’s figuring out what’s going on in a troubling relationship, understanding you and self-care, or being more assertive, I’m here to help you guide you.
It also means that you’re prevented from having the choice to be available for an available relationship because being someone’s option shuts you off to other opportunities. If you’ve ever tried to date while being an option for someone, you’ll have struggled to be emotionally present and correct because you’re unavailable and into the person you’ve optioned yourself to.
You’ll never be able to move on with your life, feel a sense of personal contentment and forge a happier, mutually fulfilling relationship with someone that values you, if you’re option for someone else that doesn’t or only values you for what they can get out of you on their terms.
You’re giving them freedom and the right to ‘choose’ you while curtailing your own freedom and diminishing your self-esteem and your boundaries in the process which removes your power and creates a greatly imbalanced ‘relationship’.
Instead of being in an equitable, mutual partnering, you hand over all of your power and then lay down and let a doormat sprout from you.